


It's The Heart That Matters

by rinji_chan1



Series: Fanfic Exchanges [3]
Category: Arashi (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Drama, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fishing leader, Happy Ending, I don't know how to cook or to manage a restaurant so bear with me for that, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, M/M, Pining, Romance, Secret Crush, Sho Exchange 2020, Sho is a softie here, Sho needs a hug, Slice of Life, Yama
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-25
Updated: 2020-02-25
Packaged: 2021-02-27 21:34:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,487
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22892590
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rinji_chan1/pseuds/rinji_chan1
Summary: (Warnings: vulgar language, mentions of suicide)Ramen shop owner, Sakurai Sho develops a crush on his only customer, Ohno Satoshi, who offers to help him out in managing the shop. As their relationship further develops, Sho realizes that he needs to convey to Ohno his true feelings and also his secrets, only to find out that Ohno has secrets of his own as well.
Relationships: Ohno Satoshi/Sakurai Sho
Series: Fanfic Exchanges [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1676314
Comments: 15
Kudos: 18
Collections: Hi-ho! I'm your aibou!





	It's The Heart That Matters

**Author's Note:**

  * For [sky_fish](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sky_fish/gifts).



> Hello! We did it! Congrats to everyone who participated; I’m really grateful to be a part of this exchange. Also, I want to give thanks to my ever-reliable beta-reader, Yuuki. And last but not the least, hello sky_fish! I really love the ramen shop prompt you gave me; I had spiced things up a bit (no pun intended) to your liking.  
> I admit my writing here is quite ‘tame’ compared to my previous works, but I hope everyone who reads this fic enjoys it as much as I do.
> 
> P.S. This is my first Yama fic <3 Please feel free to comment your thoughts! I'd love to hear from you guys what parts you like (or don't like) :)

That man came into the shop again today, and Sho’s knees were buckling like last time.

The man went to the counter, having the same order as always. “One Sakura ramen please.” He said, giving the payment to Sho, who received it humbly. Sho couldn’t help but gaze at the man’s pretty eyes, his pink lips, and his sun-tanned skin. The man went to take a seat and wait for his order. Just for how long they had been like this, Sho thought. It had become to a point that it turned into a ritual. Still, Sho couldn’t point out why his heart kept beating…

A few months ago, Sho arrived here in this small and quiet town within Kyoto to start a new life away from the city, away from his family, and had set up the ramen shop unbeknownst to them.

Sho remembered those simple days he spent with his late grandmother. During his childhood, his grandmother would always wind up with all sorts of recipes each day, and Sho would simply watch her cook. Sometimes he would help her out, his first task being to create noodles from scratch. Eventually, she taught him the basic techniques, like cutting and sautéing. She even taught him how to bake. Cooking wasn’t at all Sho’s forte, but he remembered how much fun it was.

“It’s alright; you’ll get better in no time.” She said to him back then. “After all, what’s important is to cook from the heart.”

The words she uttered were still engraved in Sho’s mind. The moment he looked at the completed ramen shop, he sure knew that, from up above, his grandmother was smiling proudly at him.

That happiness however was short-lived.

Sho was a one man band, handling everything, since he didn’t get to hire any helpers. As a result, the service was slow. There was no way the locals would keep their mouths shut at that rate. The food’s reception was no good either. Leftovers didn’t even look like _leftovers,_ It was as if each customer had taken only a single bite or slurp and walked out the door right after.

Sho looked at the empty chairs and tables which were left untouched for days. He was once again a failure, just like his family called him.

Sho went to sit on his chair at the counter and sighed. At that point, he might’ve needed to go back home sooner than he thought. Except that home wasn’t a _home_ at all; it was just another workplace where he would be criticized and looked down upon his relatives. And most importantly, he didn’t want to see the disappointed faces of his parents, especially his father, whom he had idolized.

Sho couldn’t bear any of it, which is why he left. He wanted to stay here in the countryside and have some peace… And that’s when that man came in.

As the door swung open, Sho flicked his gaze towards it and saw a handsome sun-tanned man who was relatively shorter than he was. And if it wasn’t for the man’s fishing gear and get-up, he wouldn’t have guessed he was indeed a fisherman.

Sho quickly stood up and bowed to him. “Welcome!” He said.

The man had put down his fishing gear on the nearest table next to him and went to the counter. He hummed as he looked at the menu boards featured above. “What do you recommend?” He asked Sho.

“Eh?”

“Don’t you have any recommendations?” It was baffling how the man managed to talk without moving his face too much, as if he were like an android. In fact, he also sounded like one with his cold, monotonous voice. His gaze shifted from the menu boards to Sho, who was taken aback by the intense look in his eyes which he couldn’t figure out.

“W-Well, our Sakura ramen is a must-try.” Sho said and didn’t forget to smile.

The man nodded a few times before making a decision. “Alright,” he said. “I guess, I’ll have that then.”

As the man went back to his table, Sho quickly went into the kitchen and started to cook the ramen. Even while cooking, Sho couldn’t take the man’s gaze from earlier out of his mind.

Sho held up the tray with the bowl of ramen on top and went out of the kitchen. “One Sakura ramen,” Sho said and placed the tray on the table. “Enjoy.”

The man took his chopsticks and neatly broke it in half. Sho heard him mumble, probably saying a word of gratitude for the meal. He watched him dip his chopsticks unto the bowl, hook up a few noodles and slurp them up.

The man paused. His eyes were staring into the ramen. He began to chew slowly, and at once, the man’s eyebrows turned heavy.

Sho prepared for the worst. He knew that expression very well; it was the same expression that the previous customers wore when they first tasted the ramen.

“Is something wrong?” Sho asked out of concern, though he was more concerned about himself, about his future here in this town. If the ramen shop closed, there would be no other reason for him to stay.

When the man looked at him, Sho wanted to throw up his heart. “It’s chewier than usual ramen.” The man said.

At that point, Sho retreated to the depths of his mind, drowning himself into his subconscious.

“But it’s good.”

Sho snapped back into reality. “Really?” He said.

“Yeah. Maybe if you cook it a bit longer, it’ll be perfect.”

The man smiled at him. His smile was gentle, but it was enough to warm up Sho’s heart. And he was sure that he had felt his heart also skipping a beat. The man looked at him the same way he did earlier; the spark in his eyes never fading…

“Here.” Sho placed the tray down, and as he put the bowl of ramen on the table, the man wore that same smile. Sho was close to blushing at the sight of it.

“Thank you.” He said and proceeded to eat.

“How is it?” Sho asked.

The man swallowed his food first before replying. “Your cooking’s become consistent.”

“It has?” Sho sighed with relief. “Thank goodness…”

“The texture of the noodles is soft and light, just how I like it.”

 _Just how I like it._ Sho kept that in mind.

Sho stood there right next to him, and watched him. Although, the man didn’t show any hint of discomfort, Sho knew he would bother his customer by his presence, but he didn’t feel like leaving either. They’ve been seeing each other for weeks, but Sho didn’t know him yet, and knowing the man’s face wasn’t enough.

Sho scrambled to form the words in his head; he had to say something. He didn’t want to look like a creep. “Um…”

The man stopped eating and looked at him. Sho tried his best to keep himself composed in front of him. “Are you from here?” Sho said, putting his hands inside the pockets of his apron. “You don’t seem to have the Kyoto accent like the other residents have.”

The man’s face lit up. “Oh, I’m actually from Tokyo.” He said.

“Really? Me too.”

“Yeah; actually, my family used to live here when I was a kid, but we moved to Tokyo since my father had work there. After graduating from college, I came back to Kyoto to live here.”

“Why’s that?”

“Well, I just simply love it here. Plus, it’s near the ocean. That way, I don’t need to go back and forth to the city in order to fish.”

Sho hummed. “You do have a point there.”

“What about you?”

The question had caught Sho off guard. He didn’t want to tell Ohno about his family, and why he needed to leave in the first place. “I came here for the same reason.” He said. “I haven’t done fishing before though.”

“I could teach you if you want; just tell me when.” He then offered his hand. “My name’s Ohno Satoshi.”

Sho shook Ohno’s hand. “I’m Sakurai Sho.” He said.

“Sakurai, huh… No wonder it’s named Sakura ramen.”

“What did you expect? Sakura-flavored ramen?”

Ohno shrugged his shoulders. “Maybe.”

Sho chuckled. “That’s silly. Is there even such a thing?”

“Why don’t you be the first one to make it then?” He said with a smirk.

“No way! I don’t even want to imagine what that would taste like.”

“It wouldn’t hurt to try.”

“Your ramen’s going to get cold if you keep talking.”

Ohno shut his mouth, pressing his lips together, and turned to his bowl of ramen. He picked up his chopsticks again, and began eating.

“Want some drinks with that?” Sho asked, and Ohno nodded in reply. Seeing that he obeyed, Sho let out a chuckle and went to the kitchen to get a glass and a pitcher filled with iced tea.

“Is it really just you handling the shop?” Sho heard Ohno asking him. “Don’t you need waiters or something?”

“Even if I needed one, I wouldn’t have enough money to pay them anyway.”

Sho came back and placed the glass on the table, in front of the bowl of ramen. He brought the pitcher over the glass and poured it, the ice rising as he filled it up.

“Wanna hire me?” Ohno said.

Sho lifted the pitcher back up, and turned to Ohno with wide eyes. “What?”

“Don’t worry.” He said. “I know how to cook, so you won’t have a hard time teaching me. You don’t need to pay me either.”

Sho shook his head. “No, no, I can’t do that…” He then put the pitcher down, his hands resting on the table.

“Come on, let me help you.” Ohno put his hand over Sho’s. As he caught sight of it, Sho lifted up his head and found Ohno’s gaze looking back at him. Sho had seen those eyes many times but, whenever he saw them, it still felt like the first time all over again.

All Sho could do was sigh.

***

Today was going to be Ohno’s first day working in the shop. Until now, Sho still wasn’t pleased about it, even after Ohno pestered him countless times. It was ironic to have seen Ohno whining and pleading to him, especially since Ohno was older than him.

It’s not that Sho didn’t want Ohno to work for him not because he didn’t trust him nor was he skeptical about Ohno’s cooking skills. It’s just that there was a strong feeling in his gut that, for some reason, was telling him to stay away from Ohno. And that feeling had torn Sho apart because, of course, he… _didn’t hate_ Ohno.

“Sho-kun!”

Sho heard Ohno calling out to him and so he rushed out of the kitchen. He stopped on his tracks the moment he laid eyes on Ohno’s bright, toothy smile which pinched his heart. As he came back to his senses, Sho found a number of elders, most likely fishermen, tailing Ohno.

“Ohno-san, who on earth are these—“

“They’re my friends.” Ohno said. “I was thinking of treating them today.”

“T-This early in the morning?” Sho stammered.

“Of course!” One of the fishermen said. “You can’t go fishing on an empty stomach.”

“Besides, we’ve been fishing since midnight!” Another yelled out and cracked a laugh, causing the rest to follow suit.

Sho huddled closer to Ohno. “Are you sure we can pull this off?” He whispered. “There’s too many of them.”

“No worries,” Ohno patted his shoulder. “I still have all that you’ve taught me inside my head. We’ll be fine.”

Ohno’s cheerful voice wasn’t enough to put a smile on Sho’s face.

“Hey, my friends are nice,” Ohno said. “They’re not like those other locals here in town.”

Before Sho could even reply, the elders have already taken their seats and started looking at the menu boards. “Hey, Ohno, come ‘ere!” One fisherman called out to him. “Take our orders already.”

“Oh, yes!” Ohno went to their table, and Sho was still standing there, overwhelmed on what was unfolding in his very eyes…

“Seven bowls of Sakura ramen, one assorted tempura, and one dozen of gyoza.” Ohno recited in the kitchen.

Sho wanted to bury himself in the ground, the pressure having gotten the better of him.

“It’s a lot of work but I’m sure we’ll get it done in no time.” Ohno said and let out a chuckle.

“How I wish I had your optimism.” Sho groaned.

They decided to split up the work. The two of them took turns to make the gyoza. Afterwards, Sho went to focus on cooking the ramen, while Ohno went to prepare the tempura.

Sho felt his sweat trickling down from his face and other parts of his body. He wiped himself with the towel he had in his pockets. Sho was still anxious on how the outcome would be, especially with Ohno in the kitchen. Was the training he gave Ohno enough? Would the food taste better now that Ohno was helping out? Did the noodles have that same texture which Ohno liked? Sho’s head was spinning with all sorts worries.

“Sho-kun,” Ohno said, tapping him on the shoulder. Sho quivered, shocked by the sudden gesture. “I finished cooking the tempura. How’s the ramen doing?” He asked.

“I’m still cooking it.” Sho said, stirring the noodles.

“Ehh, it already looks good though. The ramen might get soggy if you cook it too long.”

Ohno had his hands over Sho’s shoulders. For a moment, it was as if Sho had forgotten how to breathe. Once Ohno had let go and went to get the trays, Sho quickly poured the noodles into the bowls.

After arranging the food, the two of them carried the trays, one by one, out of the kitchen. The face of the elders lit up and looked at their food with awe.

“Ah… it smells good.” One of them said.

Each of them took hold of their chopsticks and began to eat. Sho went a few steps back away from the group of fishermen, cautious on what reaction they would give. He looked at Ohno, who had a determined look. Sho admired him for his confidence, something which he had lost not so long ago. He was sure that his colleagues had that same admiration towards him back then. But he was also sure that they no longer had those feelings. After all, his image had been ruined, having broken Sho into the sensitive person he is now…

“Thank you so much for the meal.” The eldest one among the fishermen said, with a smile. “It was delicious, like you said, Ohno-kun.”

“Oh, don’t thank me.” Ohno said. “If it weren’t for Sho-kun, the food wouldn’t be that delicious.”

A rush of heat flowed into Sho’s cheeks. “That’s not true…” He said, averting his eyes.

The old man chuckled. “Anyways, it was a pleasure meeting you, Sakurai-kun. Please take good care of Ohno-kun for us.”

Sho nodded in response. “Take care of yourselves as well.” He said.

The group of fishermen said their goodbyes and went down the road, walking away.

Sho let out a sigh. It only had been half a day but he was already exhausted. All of a sudden, Ohno had put his arm around Sho, causing him to yelp. Ohno was looking at him with such tender eyes and Sho couldn’t help but feel all fuzzy about it.

“We did a great job, didn’t we?” He said with that same toothed grin on his face.

“Yeah,” Sho uttered. “We did.”

“Man, that was so fun; I can’t wait for our next customer.” He said. “Shall we go back inside the shop?”

“Yes, please.”

Ohno removed his arm around Sho, but the feeling of warmth still lingered on his shoulders. Ohno held the door and opened it for Sho, gesturing him to walk in, and Sho followed suit.

There weren’t any customers later in the afternoon, but there was a mother and her three children who came inside the shop. Noticing that the children had their backpacks on, Sho figured they had just come from school.

The mother had ordered one Sakura ramen for herself and three shrimp tempura ramen for her kids. Sho was sitting behind the counter, taking a break while Ohno did the cooking. He was munching on chocolate biscuits which he had bought earlier from a store nearby.

The children pouted their lips, swung their legs, and lay against the tables while they waited. Seeing this, Sho stood up. He still had his instinct. He took a little bowl, poured all the biscuits into it and went to approach them.

“Here,” Sho said, putting the bowl on the table. “You kids must be really hungry.”

The three children beamed the moment they saw the biscuits inside. “Thank you, mister!” They said, grabbing a handful of biscuits and eating them one by one.

The mother, although smiling, was quite troubled. Sho realized that she had been looking at him with caution. Sho looked down to his feet, avoiding her gaze, and wondered if she recognized who he was.

“Um, if I may ask,” She said, and Sho looked back at her. “How much is it? The biscuits?”

At once, Sho had felt relieved. “It’s on the house, Ma’am.” He said, with a smile. “No need to pay.”

The woman then bowed her head. “Thank you.” She said. “You’re very kind.”

“Sorry for the wait!” Ohno said and went to the table with the tray on his hands. He placed each bowl on the table and the children quickly took their chopsticks and clapped their hands, saying their thanks for the meal and dug in their food.

The mother was the last one to receive her food, which was brought by Sho. Seeing her and the children with all smiles had filled up Sho’s starving heart…

“You seem to be pretty good with children.” Ohno said as soon as the mother and her children had left.

Sho was busy wiping the used table clean. “I got used to it.” He said.

Ohno sat on one of the chairs and scratched his cheek. “Do you have kids?”

“No, but I had younger siblings.” It wasn’t entirely a lie; Sho did have younger siblings. Sho knew his way around kids, and it was expected of him to do so, in order to gain support from more people. Citizens would look up to him as an ideal family man, just like his father. He remembered going to schools during cultural festivals to interact with the children and to see them perform on stage. The mere thought of it had brought a smile on Sho’s face.

“I see.” Ohno said. “I’m sure one day you’d be a great dad.”

His smile dwindled into a frown. “I doubt that.”

“Why? Don’t you want a family of your own?”

“I do, but…” _A different kind of family, that is,_ was what Sho wanted to say. “I don’t think I’m ready for such a thing.”

“Ah, you got a point there.” Ohno nodded. “I don’t think I’m suited to have a family of my own either.”

Sho stared at Ohno wide-eyed. Ohno was good enough to be a reliable man to look up to, well, for him at least. To hear Ohno say that he wasn’t suited to be a father was a let-down. Though, another side of Sho, the rather selfish part of himself, viewed this as an opportunity.

“Are you single, Ohno-san?” Sho asked.

“As of now, yes, I am.” He said. “But I’ve dated a few girls back when I was younger.”

“Oh, that’s nice…” The words trailed off and Sho went back to cleaning.

“How about you, Sho-kun?” Ohno asked. “Surely someone like you had dated a lot of girls.”

Sho shook his head. “No, I didn’t. But my parents arranged me with someone once.”

“Ehh? Really?” Ohno exclaimed, beaming, and leaned in closer to Sho. “Was she pretty?”

“Well, yeah.” Sho avoided his gaze. “But we broke up.”

Ohno furrowed his brows. “What happened?” He asked.

“Our relationship didn’t work out.”

“Why?”

Sho pressed his lips together; his throat had gone dry. The question had brought up unpleasant memories which Sho swore he had kept buried in the back of his mind. The voices haunted him every day and night.

_Could it be that you’re…_

“It just didn’t work out, that’s all.” He said with a rather stern voice.

For a moment, Ohno was taken aback, his eyebrows raised. As the guilt started to grow in him, Sho realized he might’ve gone too far. But before he could apologize, Ohno had beaten him to it.

“Alright,” He said, lowering his gaze. “I’ll respect that.”

Ohno stood up and went into the kitchen. “I’ll be washing the dishes.” Sho heard him say and, at once, heard the faucet squeak as it was turned and the sound of flowing water echoed within the shop.

Sho sighed, running his hand over his hair. He figured it would’ve been better if he had just kept his mouth shut.

Even after washing all the dishes, Ohno remained silent. It wasn’t until night came that they had to start talking to each other again.

Sho was about to close the shop when a young couple came to their doorstep. He decided to let them in and, as the couple removed their coats, he noticed they were in their school uniforms. The two avoided his gaze while they sat down and chose their orders.

Sho went into the kitchen and found Ohno holding a mop and dipping it in a bucket of water. “Don’t clean yet.” Sho said. “We still have customers.”

Although he didn’t say a word, Ohno followed suit, putting away the mop and bucket to the corner. “What did they order?” Ohno then asked, probably to break the ice.

“Two Sakura ramen.” Sho said while turning on the stove.

“I’m sorry about earlier.” He said, but Sho didn’t turn to look at him.

“For what?” He asked.

“For asking something I probably shouldn’t have.”

Sho put the noodles into boiling water. “It’s fine.” He said. “It’s my fault anyway for bringing it up.”

Ohno was silent once again. Sho didn’t know if that was a good thing or not. He heard his footsteps nearing him until he felt his presence beside him. Sho couldn’t tell if his face was burning because of the steam coming from the pot, but he was certain that the heat was making him lose his mind.

“Just look at those lovebirds.” Ohno said.

Sho turned his face to where the couple was. The boy had his arm around the girl, his hand playing with the brown curls of her hair. The girl’s head rested against his shoulder and held his other hand, her fingers tracing the lines on his palms.

Ohno let out what seemed to be a mocking chuckle. “Kids,” He said.

“You were once a kid like them too, you know.” Sho talked back. For sure, without looking, he knew Ohno shot him a glare.

“Oh, and you weren’t?” Ohno said.

Sho laughed, even if what he had to say wasn’t a laughing matter at all. “I never had the time to be one.” He said, and the laughter died out.

“I’m sorry.”

“Like I said, it’s fine.”

“No, it’s not!” Ohno objected, putting his hands around Sho’s shoulders, forcing him to face him. “It’s not.”

Sho had never seen Ohno so serious until now. The way his hands clenched around him and the way Sho’s face was reflected in his gaze said it all. “It’s because I care about you.” Ohno said.

Sho was choked up, nearly at the verge of crying. But Ohno suddenly let go of him and looked towards the pot of cooked ramen.

“We better take that out now.” Ohno said, while stroking his chin. “We don’t want to keep them waiting.” He then walked away to get the tray and the bowls. Meanwhile, Sho remained where he stood, putting his hand on his chest. His heart was beating as strong as ever…

After they had finished eating, the couple still hung around, cuddling and whispering to each other, much to Sho’s annoyance, but he let them be anyway. After all, they probably had gone a long way to come here, and he was in the same position as them too—a runaway.

Ohno had just finished cleaning the kitchen area. He stood at the corner, his head propped by his hands which held the mop, and yawned. “You know, at this rate, I might be the first one to leave the shop.” Ohno said.

“I’m not letting you go anywhere.” Sho said. “Not yet.”

“Come on, you’re being too considerate to those teenagers.”

“It’s just for this night.” Sho went to the storage closet and took out a folding chair. He set it up and placed it on the kitchen floor, near the wall. “They won’t come back here that easily, I’m sure of that.” He sat down and looked up at Ohno, who tilted his head, his eyelids growing heavy.

“There’s another chair in the closet if you want to sit down.”

“It’s fine.” Ohno said. “Don’t say it’s because you care.”

Sho chuckled. “I didn’t. I said it because you need it.”

Ohno smiled back. “I don’t need it.” He placed the mop leaning against a corner and went to sit down on the floor, right next to Sho. “I don’t.” He leaned his head against the wall and closed his eyes.

“What you said earlier, did you mean it?” Sho asked. “You barely even know me.”

“Does it matter?” Ohno said with a husky voice.

Sho crouched, looking down to his feet. His heart was still racing.

“What about you? Did you mean it?” Ohno asked.

“Mean what?” His voice cracked.

“That you’re fine.”

Sho shook his head. “No…” He said and, before he knew it, drops of tears fell down to the floor. It was only then that it all weighed down on him: his career, his people, and his family. Although he would be damned to go back home, he still missed them all.

Sho buried his face in his hands and sobbed like a child. His body ached all over because he tried to restrain himself from making a sound. He didn’t want Ohno to know and see how pathetic he was. He wished that Ohno had fallen asleep because of the silence. Instead, he felt a warm hand on his back, soothing him.

Sho wanted to deny it, to deny such feelings, but he kept crying. Ohno’s embrace wasn’t helping him either. For him to be this close to Ohno was a sin. He wanted to push him away, and so he freed his arms, only to find that his hands landed on Ohno’s back, gripping tightly onto the soft fabric of his shirt.

Sho leaned his head against Ohno’s shoulder, giving in. In his mind, he finally admitted it.

He was in love.

***

Ohno’s smile was brighter than usual. Sho also couldn’t help but notice how the man dazzled in the sunlight which burst through the glass panels. His stance, his hands, and even the tips of his hair had made Sho head over heels. Sho has, in fact, become obsessed with Ohno Satoshi.

It had been weeks since Ohno came along and Sho’s ramen shop had finally redeemed itself. The residents of the town had gained interest again, not a single chair or table was left unused. There weren’t much leftovers compared to before either. Sho was grateful because he didn’t need to worry about his shop anymore. Moreover, he could stay in Kyoto for as long as he liked.

But Sho had one problem.

“You look so gorgeous today, Ohno-kun!” Sho heard a voice sweet like honey. It stuck onto him, along with their buzzing about around Ohno. Of course, if Ohno weren’t such a charming man, Sho wouldn’t have fallen in love in the first place, and women were not an exception to that.

Other than the food they served, what drew people in were the handsome waiter and the kind-hearted owner. But most of the young ladies craved for the waiter. They were just as crazy as Sho was; to the point that Sho himself had memorized their faces, since they came to the shop almost every day.

“Thank you.” Ohno said, chuckling. “I would say the same thing for you as well, Sora-chan.”

One of the women gasped. “You actually remember our names?”

“Of course, especially yours, Sakura-chan.” The girls then giggled in response.

Sho clicked his tongue. “Ohno-san,” He called him out. His harsh voice had not only startled Ohno but also the girls.

Ohno went up to him, looking at him with a sheepish gaze. “Yes?”

“Look, I appreciate you for entertaining them, but may I remind you we’re still working. I don’t want other customers to be kept waiting while you’re fooling around with the girls.”

“I’m not fooling around.” Ohno said. “Besides, I’ve got it under control, Sho-kun.”

Sho narrowed his eyes and smiled. “Well, you better make sure of that then.” 

There was a hint of bitterness on Ohno’s face, but that didn’t intimidate Sho, not even the slightest. Sho turned away from him, and went into the kitchen to continue his cooking duties.

Evening came and the shop was occupied with silence. Their last customer had just left, and Sho flipped the Open sign to ‘Closed’.

Sho walked back to the kitchen, and found Ohno by the sink, washing the dishes. Ohno shot him a glance, but he ignored it and passed by him. Sho’s hand went for the handle of the fridge, opened it, and let the cool air hit his face. He took out an apple and closed the fridge. Sho went back near the sink where the knife holder was and pulled out one of the knives.

“Hey! I just washed that.” Ohno said.

“You can wash it again afterwards.” Sho said while washing the apple clean with the water from the sink’s faucet.

Ohno twitched his mouth. “You’re mean.”

Sho began peeling the fruit, pushing the blade into the red skin. “You’re probably the first person who’s ever said that to me.” He said with his eyes focused on the peel which spiraled within his fingers.

Ohno sighed. “Look, I’m sorry, alright?” He said and put his hands on his waist. “But what else could I do for those girls? I couldn’t just ignore them, you know.”

“Why don’t you tell them then?” Sho argued. “Surely they would understand, right? Don’t treat them like they’re so privileged.”

“What?” Ohno exclaimed.

“Don’t play dumb.” Sho glared at him. “I saw you last Sunday; you were with Suzuki-san’s daughter at their sweets shop.”

“I was helping them out! Is that such a wrong thing to do?”

“Helping out isn’t the problem, it’s—Ah!” A sharp pain came from the tip of one of his fingers, causing him to let go of the apple. Looking back down, Sho found a droplet of blood on his index finger. “Shit…”

Ohno bent down to get the apple on the floor, washed the half-peeled fruit and wiped it with the cloth of his apron. “I’ll get the first aid kit.” He said, putting the apple on the counter near the sink, and made his way to the storage closet.

Sho took out his handkerchief from his pocket and covered his finger with it. He cursed himself for his boiling jealousy that brought him in this situation.

Ohno came back with the first aid kit in hand like he said, along with the two folding chairs which he carried within one arm. He placed the kit on the kitchen table and propped the chairs on the floor.

The two of them sat down, and Ohno extended his hand. With no other choice, Sho placed his own hand on top and removed his handkerchief from his wounded finger. Ohno took hold of his hand and the gesture tickled him.

Sho grinded his teeth when Ohno put some alcohol on his wound. “Relax.” Ohno said.

 _How can I?_ Sho thought. His cheeks were getting warm again. He hoped that Ohno didn’t notice that; thankfully, Ohno looked away while he roamed his hand inside the kit to get a bandage. With caution, Ohno placed the bandage over Sho’s wound.

“There, it’s done.” Ohno said and withdrew his hands from Sho’s. “Better?”

Sho held onto his wounded hand. “Yeah,” He mumbled. “Thank you.” He was then consumed by the silence. It wasn’t because he had nothing to say, but the tension between them had forbid him to do so. Also, Sho had no desire to say anything either. He nearly exposed himself earlier while they argued. It seemed ironic that he wounded himself at the right time, the right moment, to the point he might have, unconsciously, done it on purpose.

It’s highly unlikely, but it was possible, Sho had thought. He didn’t have full trust in himself anymore either way. It was his own mistakes that had put him in this situation.

“I promise I won’t fool around.” Ohno said, cutting through the awkwardness that came between them. Sho looked up at him.

“If following your orders is what’s going to keep my job here, I’ll accept that.” The older man said. “I won’t complain about it either. I’ll tell the girls about it too, like you said I should.”

“Ohno-san…”

“I’m working here not because I only want to help you, but because it’s fun being here, doing cooking and all, with you.”

Sho wondered if he heard it right, reciting the words in his mind over and over, until the heat crept up to his face.

“Sorry, I hope that didn’t come off weird.” Ohno said, chuckling, and scratched his head. “But I do like you, Sho-kun, no doubt about that.”

Sho looked down to his feet. He was pleased to hear Ohno say such things like he always does, but for some reason, he couldn’t bring himself to smile about it. The words were stuck in his throat. He was at his limit.

“Ohno-san,” Sho said, his lips quivering. Ohno then looked at him considerately. “Would it be weird if I’d say that I like you too, but in a different way?”

Ohno’s smile disappeared at once, and Sho had his heart crushed little by little. He didn’t expect that waiting for a reply would be this agonizing.

“What exactly do you mean by that?” Ohno asked.

Sho fumbled with his fingers, trying to compose himself and gather enough strength to push through. “I don’t know why I feel this way,” He said. “But, ever since we first met, I’ve been having these romantic feelings for you. Whenever you touch me, I get all warm and fuzzy for some reason. I’ve been trying to keep it in for a long time now. I think I can’t hold it much longer… It’s alright if you don’t feel the same way, but I hope you’re okay with me being like this.”

Ohno’s dull expression was unchanged. His eyes wandered all over, looking anywhere except at Sho. “That’s a lot to take in.” Ohno said, pressing his lips together.

“I got to go.” Ohno stood up and grabbed the kit, proceeding to walk away.

“No, Ohno-san, wait!” Sho took hold of Ohno’s wrist. Ohno flicked his gaze towards him, appearing to be surprised by the sudden gesture.

“I’m sorry that I suddenly told you about it.” Sho said. “I just thought you should know the truth why I got mad at you earlier. It was wrong for me to do that. So, please, I hope you don’t hate me for that. I’m really sorry…”

Ohno brushed his hand off and sighed. “Let me think about it.” He said, and took the kit, along with his chair, back to the storage closet.

***

**From: Miki**

**[No subject]**

_**‘Hey, I hope you’re okay out there. It’s been months since you left, Mom and Dad are worried about you. Hope you come back home soon, we miss you.’** _

Sho’s gaze hovered on the screen. His fingers were tempted to type in and reply. It then came to his senses that if he replied, he would get tracked. If he got tracked, then that would mean they’d send someone here. He didn’t want to ignore his little sister’s concern for him, but his desire to stay in Kyoto was much stronger.

Sho put down his phone and sighed. He laid flat on his bed and looked at the clock on his desk. It was already 8:30 in the morning, but the sunlight which crept into the room didn’t convince the depressed Sho to get up. He figured that Ohno wouldn’t come today anyway; he didn’t mind having a day off on a Saturday either.

If it weren’t for his growling stomach, Sho wouldn’t have moved an inch. He went to the bathroom to wash his face and gargle a few times. He got out of his room and went downstairs to the kitchen of the ramen shop.

To his surprise, someone had gotten ahead of him.

The moment he turned front to the room, Sho found Ohno, already wearing his apron and also a hairnet, in the midst of it.

“So you’ve finally woken up.” Ohno said as soon as he saw him.

Sho stared at him, dumbfounded.

“Oh, don’t worry.” Ohno said, with a smile. “I haven’t opened the shop yet, so you didn’t miss anything. Why don’t you get dressed?” He talked so casually, but there was a certain tone in his voice which was off-putting.

“Hey,” Sho said, his voice resonating within the room. “Don’t pretend like nothing happened last night.”

Ohno tilted his head, raising his eyebrows. “Who said I was?”

“Just give it to me straight that you don’t like me.” Sho exclaimed.

Ohno was frowning at him again. Sympathy wasn’t what Sho wanted. He would be glad for them to stay as friends; that way, the pain for his unrequited love wouldn’t prolong. But it seemed that Ohno had other things in mind.

“I don’t want to argue with you right now, Sho-kun.” He said. “Please, let’s just focus on our work.”

Upon hearing that, Sho figured that for Ohno, he was now just a mere employer.

“I’ll open up the shop.” Ohno said, and went off to do so.

With Ohno out of his sight, Sho brought his shaking hands to his crumpled face. He didn’t know if he should cry or scream. Maybe both, but he bottled those emotions up. He took a few slow breaths, and after that, he went back up to the staircase.

Night came quite too early for Sho. He and Ohno never said a word to each other throughout the day, other than the reciting of orders. Time passed quickly because of that.

The ramen shop had closed already for the day. Ohno was cleaning up the shop, wiping the tables and sweeping the floor. As for Sho, well, he was down and bored in the kitchen. Not only that, Sho had took out a bottle of liquor, and right now, he couldn’t tell how many glasses he drank, but he could tell by staring through the bottle that what was left of it was merely a puddle.

The last time Sho was drunk, nothing good came out of it, and ended with him losing his former career. He promised himself to not drink again, but there wasn’t anything holding him back to do so. He wanted to, at least for one night; forget about his feelings for Ohno, confessing to him and aftermath of that. Instead, he got the exact opposite of what he wanted.

Closing his eyes, he pictured in the darkness Ohno, back when he was his one and only customer, a person who saw potential in his cooking despite all the flaws it had, sitting on a chair, eating a bowl of his ramen. And then he remembered Ohno’s smile, the smile which had brighten up his miserable life.

Sho missed those simple moments he spent with him. He never should’ve let Ohno work in the shop. He cursed himself for that, and probably carry that burden for the rest of his life.

“Sho-kun?” Sho opened his eyes and, looking up, found Ohno right in front of him. The older man loomed over him, and seemed to have gotten much taller, for some reason.

Ohno reached for the bottle, but Sho smacked his hand. “No,” He said. “Don’t take it away! There’s still some more for me to drink…”

“No, there isn’t.” Ohno said. “You’ve already drank enough to be drunk.”

Sho laughed. He felt his head thumping as he did that. At that moment, everything was funny to Sho, especially Ohno’s disappointed expression. Ohno neared him, his arms reaching to hold him. Sho twisted and turned in his place, avoiding his advances. “No!” Sho said, still giggling. “No, don’t touch me!”

“Sho, get up already!” Ohno demanded, dragging him by the arm.

“No!” Sho snapped. “I don’t want to!” He then screamed loud enough for the whole town to hear.

Ohno knelt down, his hands now on the sides of Sho’s face, forcing the drunken man to look directly at him. “Sho, stop it! Please!” He said. “Stop doing this to yourself.”

“But, it’s your fault,” Sho said, scorning him. “It’s your fault that I’m like this, because of you acting all nice and chummy. If you knew who I was, you wouldn’t even dare to look at me!” The tears finally poured out his eyes, and Sho couldn’t stop bawling, to the point he coughed harshly a few times in between. “I’m not the great man that I once was,” He then said. “I’m just a filthy… filthy leftover.”

Ohno was looking at him with such a familiar gaze. “No,” He said. “You’re Sakurai Sho. That’s the only thing I need to know, and nothing more.”

Sho stared at him, lost in his thoughts once again. He wished to say something back, but Ohno leaned in and kissed him. Sho’s mind went blank. All that he focused on was the softness of Ohno’s lips, his own breathing, and the fact that they were actually kissing.

As soon as Ohno pulled back, Sho looked at him wide-eyed. “Why did you…?” Sho said. Ohno didn’t say anything but simply hugged him. “You’re weird…You’re weird!” He said, hitting Ohno’s back with his hands. “Stop confusing me!” Sho began to cry again, resting his head on Ohno’s shoulder. “Why, why did you kiss me? You don’t even like me…”

“I never said I didn’t, did I?” Ohno said. His voice seemed so far away all of a sudden.

“I don’t get you.” Sho mumbled. “You’re really weird…very weird…” His surroundings dimmed and blurred. Sho tried to keep himself awake, but he thought that he would be fine staying with Ohno like this. He then closed his eyes, giving in, bringing himself to the darkness once again…

***

The next morning, Sho found himself on his bed, his eyelids still heavy as he scanned his room. His head spun with every movement he made while sitting up. He rubbed one of his eyes and caught some sand in his fingertips. He barely remembered anything about last night; he did remember drinking but all that happened right after that, he couldn’t make it out. He unconsciously put his hands down, but instead of the soft cover of the bed, his fingers landed on…

_A hand?_

Sho turned and found a blanket-covered Ohno lying next to him. Sho screamed, leaning away, causing him to lose balance and fall on his back to the floor. Ohno shuddered and woke up by the loud thump of the wood. Sho groaned and gathered all his strength to pull himself back up.

“Are you alright?”

Sho looked up and saw that Ohno still had his clothes on and, looking down to his lower half of his body, so did he. For a moment, Sho was relieved. But as he kept staring at Ohno, there was something in his mind which elated him, and he couldn’t tell if that was a bad thing or not.

“Don’t worry,” Ohno said. “Nothing _bad_ happened last night.” He sounded honest about what he said, but the smirk he gave after that didn’t help Sho feel better at all. “Well, except for that kiss, maybe.” Ohno added.

“K-K-Kiss?” Sho exclaimed, his face turning warm like he had a fever. “We kissed last night?”

Ohno tilted his head. “Eh? You really don’t remember?”

Sho shook his head. He then licked his lips, trying to retrieve that memory, or at least, the feeling of it.

Ohno went towards him on his knees, which caused the bed to creek each time he moved. “Should I make you remember then?”

“No, no, no!” Sho put his hands up front. “Don’t come any closer! Please!”

Ohno laughed, placing his hands on his stomach. “You should’ve seen how red your face was last night.”

Sho groaned. “Look, I’m sorry I kissed you alright?”

“No, _I_ kissed _you_.” Ohno corrected him.

“Whatever!” Sho said, crossing his arms. “I already gave you time to think about it right? So what’s your decision? Just tell me, honestly, how you really feel about me; since you seem to be _good_ at that.”

Ohno remained seated on the bed, pondering, while scratching his chin. “Well, I did think it through.” He said. “But, I don’t think we’ve gotten to know each other yet.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

Ohno stood up. “It means,” He said, kneeling down on the floor. “If you want to date me badly, you have to _know_ me first.”

“Alright.” Sho said. “That’s a good enough reason.”

Ohno leaned in closer, their faces nearly an inch apart. “And the only way for you to do that,” He said. “…is through fishing.”

Sho furrowed his eyebrows. “What?”

“I did promise that I would teach you, right?”

“Really?” Sho exclaimed. “Fishing?”

“You don’t want to?” Ohno said. “This is going to be like our first date, you know.”

 _First date..._ Sho put his hand over his face, cringing, but nevertheless flattered.

“I’m sorry about before.” Ohno then said. “I caused you a lot of distress. That’s why; I’ll make it up to you.”

“Alright, alright…” Sho sighed. “I’ll go.”

“Great!” Ohno smiled, and clapped his hands. “I’ll wait for you downstairs while you get dressed.”

“W- We’re going right now?” Sho lifted himself up, his hands against the floor, and went back on his feet.

“Yeah, obviously.” Ohno said. He then stood up and headed towards the door.

“But I haven’t taken a shower yet.” Sho said.

Ohno turned around. “Skip the shower. You don’t need it.” He said, and went out of the room.

Such a strange man, Sho thought. He almost forgot why he even liked Ohno in the first place.

Sho didn’t take a shower, like Ohno told him to. But he washed his face and brushed and flossed his teeth. He opened the bathroom cabinet and reached for a bottle of body spray. Sho often used it back then in Tokyo whenever he went out for gatherings or meetings.

While he packed up his things for Kyoto, he stumbled upon it. He had no use for it there, but he bothered bringing it with him anyway, probably because he got attached to the smell. It had a scent of a certain flower and some mint mixed with it.

By chance, the spray would finally be useful, until Sho realized the scent would be overpowered by the smell of fish. Still, he sprayed it on himself, just in case something _unexpected_ might happen again… Sho also wished he had foreseen this kind of situation back in Tokyo and packed up better looking underwear.

Sho came downstairs wearing a white tee, dark green shorts, and sandals. He found Ohno waiting at the front of the shop. Sho went out, and from there, they began to walk their way down to the pier.

The pier had some familiar faces, most of them Sho recognized to be the fishermen who had eaten at the ramen shop once. The fishermen greeted them as they walked by their boats. Ohno stopped on his tracks upon an unoccupied white and blue boat. Ohno jumped in, causing the boat to sway a little. Sho’s feet were stuck flat on the wooden panels. “This is your boat?” Sho asked.

“No.” Ohno said. “But I bought the rent.”

Ohno offered his hand. Sho gulped, taking hold of it. He carefully lifted his one leg over the gap between the wooden platform and the floor of the boat. Without warning, Ohno pulled him in. Sho gasped and quickly he held onto Ohno, hugging him. The swaying subsided, and Sho opened his eyes and saw a smirk on Ohno’s face.

“A bit clingy, aren’t you?” Ohno said.

Sho stepped back. “I am not.” He protested.

He then laughed. “I thought so.”

Ohno guided him into the cabin and gave him a life vest and a bottle of sunblock. “Here.” Ohno said. “When you’re done, just take a seat and we’ll take off.”

“Thank you.” Sho said and Ohno went ahead to start the boat.

Sho still couldn’t figure out what Ohno’s intentions were, whether Ohno truly did like him or not. It was a sea that Sho had yet to dive in. Not only that, he had to go deep into his darkest places. Sho did want to know Ohno. The only problem was if he’d be willing to let Ohno do the same thing to him.

With sunblock on his face and on his limbs and with a life vest on, Sho sat down. Ohno took a glance at him before solely looking ahead. The boat started to move, and they went off.

Sho looked through the window panel behind him and watched as they grew further away from the pier, from the town. Sho faced front again; he wondered what sort of expression Ohno was wearing right now. It was just the two of them, on a boat, in middle of the vast sea. It wasn’t long enough for Sho to find his face burning up again.

“This seems like a good spot.” Ohno said as he stopped the boat. He turned to Sho, who was mindlessly starting at him, and smiled. “Shall we go?”

Sho nodded and stood up from his seat. Ohno went to open a cabinet and pulled out two fishing rods. He passed one to Sho, and they went out under the sun.

The town could still be seen from a distance, it looked small enough to fit in the palm of Sho’s hand. “Just follow what I do, alright?” Ohno said, and Sho did as he was told.

When it came to putting the bait on the hook, Ohno had a small container filled with live grub. He took out one and attached it onto his hook. The sight of it twitching and wiggling had smothered Sho’s face with disgust. Ohno looked at him, raising a eyebrow. Sho then stared down into the container filled with the cramped little critters. Ohno sighed, putting his hand inside the container again. He took another grub and offered it to Sho, who winced and took a step back.

“Come on, it’s not gonna hurt you!” Ohno said.

“I don’t care!” Sho said. “There’s no way I’m touching that thing!”

“Just try.”

Sho groaned, reaching for the little critter. His thumb and finger surrounded it, and all he had to do was to hold it, and then attach it to the hook, as simple as that. He took a breath and at once he held it, its gooey, thin body dancing in between. Sho was proud of himself for accomplishing such a task, but he also wanted to cry. His hand had gone frozen; he didn’t want to drop it, but he didn’t want to keep holding it either.

Ohno rolled his eyes. He took the worm from him, and attached it on Sho’s hook himself. “There, I did it for you. Now can we move on?” Ohno said.

“Yes, please.” Sho said.

“Thank goodness.” Ohno held onto his fishing rod, hover it over the boat, and let down the string.

Sho watched the hook with the bait go into the water. Afterwards, he did the same thing. “Now what?” He said.

“We wait.” Ohno said.

“For how long?”

“Who knows?”

The two of them stared at their own rod. Ohno didn’t move one bit while waiting, his gaze steady on the string. Sho’s body gave out, changing positions of his feet once in a while. He then gave out a yawn.

“This is some hobby of yours, huh.” Sho said. “Do you really enjoy this sort of thing?”

“Yeah, it’s relaxing,” Ohno said. “Having some peace and quiet…”

“Too quiet.”

“Well, if you’re with a group, it wouldn’t be as quiet. Anyway, you’ll get used to it.”

“But why fishing though?” Sho asked. “Of all the hobbies you could have, why fishing?”

Ohno briefly smiled. “Because, this way, I can be alone and be myself.”

Sho heard a flock of seagulls pass by over them.

“I just wanted to get away from the city, from everything.” Ohno said. “I had so much pressure living in Tokyo and studying there. Too much, actually, to the point I almost lost myself…”

Sho looked towards the horizon.

“I went to a bridge, with the intention of jumping from it and drown myself to death, but there was a fisherman and so I stood by, waiting for him to pack up and leave. I waited for hours, until that fisherman spoke up, telling me: _‘You know, I remember the first time I caught a fish. I was still a kid back then and wanted to keep it as a remembrance, but my father told me to throw it back. I asked why, and he told me it ain’t worth it; it’s too small, too young, throw it back and let it live. So I did.’_ He then looked directly at me and said, _‘You can ignore everything I’ve said and take the bait, but let me tell you, you’re going to be thrown back here ‘cause it ain’t your time yet. It ain’t worth it’_ …”

Ohno let out a sigh. “After that, he taught me how to fish, and once I got the hang of it, he left.”

Sho turned and found Ohno looking back at him. “I’ve told you my story; it’s now time to tell yours.” Ohno said.

A gust of wind came and blew Ohno’s hair to one side. Sho turned his gaze back to the horizon. He had expected it, but he didn’t know how to tell him. He hadn’t spoken about it to anyone yet.

Sho took a deep breath before speaking. “I used to be a vice mayor of a certain place in Tokyo, and I’m supposedly running for Mayor this election but…” He paused; the words were stuck inside his throat.

“I told you about my fiancée before once, right?” He said, and Ohno nodded in reply.

Sho tightened his grip around the fishing rod, closing his eyes, and then continued. “My fiancée broke up with me because she sensed I was gay.” He said. “It never crossed my mind figuring out what my sexuality was until she pointed it out. And so I got curious, and it was the stupidest thing I’ve ever done. I secretly went to a gay bar, got drunk, and next thing I knew, I was in a hotel room, alone and naked. I tried to pretend nothing happened, but then, the pictures…”

Sho’s voice choked. “They were everywhere,” He said, the tears blurring his vision. “Not only on the papers, but also at work, and eventually it reached my home, in our mailbox. I stepped down from my position, and so I came here. I didn’t want to live a life full of shame, with my relatives mocking me because of what happened. I don’t want that.” He brought his hand to wipe the tears away. “My grandmother was my only confidant, but she passed away when I entered high school. If she were still here, she’d tell me what to do…”

Sho started to sob, the old, fond memories flashing in his mind. Ohno had put his hand on his back, caressing it.

In the end, they didn’t catch any fish, and they headed back to the pier at sundown. At the back of the cabin, Sho found out there was a compartment. Inside was a tiny bedroom connected to a shower area. Ohno was outside talking to a fellow fisherman, and so he sneaked in.

The walls were pasted with photographs of nature, but they consisted mostly of pictures of the sea. Sho figured it was Ohno who took them, because he stumbled upon a camera next to a collection of camera lenses, a few of them were quite big, twice the length of a normal lens.

Thinking about it, despite all that talk they had earlier, Ohno never mentioned exactly what his current job was.

“Sho-kun?”

Sho turned around and found Ohno right behind him. “Ohno-san.”

“What are you doing?” Ohno asked.

“I was just looking around.”

Ohno’s eyes shifted around the room in an alarmed manner.

“I didn’t touch anything, if that’s what you’re worried about.” Sho said.

“You should go home, it’s getting dark.” Ohno said and passed by him.

“Wait,” Sho turned around. “You still haven’t told me yet.”

“About what?”

“About how you really feel about me, if you actually like me, the same way as I do.”

Ohno turned around; his incomprehensible gaze lingered on Sho for a while before speaking. “I do like you, Sho-kun, really; much more than you think.” He said.

Hearing those words had warmed up the back of Sho’s neck. “Before I go, could I have one request?” Sho said.

Ohno had his eyebrows raised.

“C-Could you kiss me?” He said. “I really can’t recall the first time we kissed, so I just…”

Ohno went to him and did what he had asked. The older man pulled him in, placing his lips over his. Sho shut his eyes, savouring the moment as carefully as he could. And true to Ohno’s words, Sho did remember a little bit of what happened before, even if the memory had blurred it didn’t matter. He had a new, better memory to remember now.

“There.” Ohno said, stepping back. “Now go home already.”

Even after the kiss, Sho still felt the heat all over his body. “Just one more kiss,” Sho said. “Except this time, I’ll be the one kissing you.”

“Does that really matter?” Ohno asked.

Sho didn’t reply to that. Or rather, he couldn’t. He could only stare at Ohno, who then gave a smirk. He probably saw through him like he always does, knowing what he wanted and needed.

“Well, kiss me then.” Ohno said.

Sho approached him, cupped Ohno’s face, and kissed him. Sho’s skills in kissing were rough, but Ohno helped him relax by caressing the back of his neck.

The two fell onto the bed, and Sho stayed there the whole night.

***

Two weeks had passed since that night.

The ramen shop was still as busy as ever, and Sho had hired a few people to help them out, so that the workload would stay smooth. Of course, the girls still came to the shop from time to time, but now Sho didn’t need to worry about what Ohno thought of them or if he liked them. Not anymore.

Ohno looked up from the notepad he was writing on and smiled, and Sho realized he had been staring at him again. Sho turned away and went to help out his crew in the kitchen. Ohno then came in and recited the orders first before turning to Sho and whispering to him. “Can’t break that habit of yours, can you?” He said.

“You’re the one who made it worse.” Sho replied.

Ohno chuckled. “I’m aware of that.” He then tapped his finger on Sho’s nose, causing Sho to flinch a bit. Even if he tried to hide it, Sho couldn’t contain his excitement. He couldn’t wait to hold Ohno’s hand again, to have dinner with him again, to embrace him again, and most of all, he couldn’t wait for the next morning to do those things all over again. He was living the dream, and he didn’t want to wake from it. But reality had come to knock on his door again.

From the outside of the kitchen, Sho and Ohno could hear a commotion going on. It was hard to make out what each person said, but they heard a voice of man and of a woman arguing. Sho went out to interfere. “What’s going on?” Sho said, and was ready to burst out, but he came to a halt as he looked at the man before him. The woman next to the man was an older lady who was waiting for a vacant table.

“Don’t you have any manners?” She shouted at the man. “I came here first! If you and your friends are in such a hurry, why don’t you boys find another place to eat?”

The friends of that man weren’t really _friends_ , Sho knew that. He knew their faces well too. What made Sho more nervous was how they stood out among the townspeople, wearing their usual black suits and dark shades. Sho swore under his breath. They didn’t bother to disguise themselves coming here, and it was definitely on purpose. Especially if Sho’s family wanted him back.

The man, Tanaka was his name, was the head of the group. He turned his head and his gaze met with Sho’s. ”Sakurai-san.” He said.

Sho gulped. He approached the lady first, “Madame, please sit down. I’m sorry that this happened. I’ll be the one to take care of them.” He said, and the woman, who seemed to be pleased, sat again on the waiting bench. Sho then turned to the group. “What are you guys doing here? And how did you manage to find me?”

Tanaka replied, “Sakurai-san,” He said. “Your father wouldn’t have hired us as your bodyguards if we couldn’t perform such a simple task. After all, you did fancy this place for quite a while; you managed to turn this barber shop into a ramen shop. And it didn’t take too long to trace that you bought this property under your name. You were a bit careless there, Sakurai-san.”

“I didn’t bother using a fake name, and why would I? I’m not a criminal.”

“You’re not. So why did you run away knowing that?”

Sho looked down to his feet and clenched his fists.

“Please, come home, Sakurai-san.”

“Tell me,” Sho said. “Do all of them really want me to come back home right after _that_?”

Tanaka stayed silent, looking elsewhere.

“Tell me, do they?”

“There’s not a day when we don’t see your mother crying.” He said.

“What about my father?”

Tanaka scratched the tiny hairs of his moustache. “He hasn’t said a word about it. But, I assure you that he misses you too.”

“Excuse me,” Sho and Tanaka turned to Ohno, who suddenly came in between the two of them. “Sir,” Ohno said to Tanaka. “You are causing a disturbance to our customers. I must ask you to leave, please.”

The bodyguard tilted his head, and scanned Ohno from head to toe. “I’ve seen you somewhere before.” He said. “Have we met?”

Sho stared as Ohno took the time to answer Tanaka’s question. “No.” Ohno said. “I’m afraid you’re mistaking me for someone else.”

Tanaka glaced at Sho before turning back to Ohno, “Alright, we’ll leave.” He said, and he, along with the other bodyguards who trailed behind him, walked out the door and left the shop.

Sho woke up to the ticking sound of his clock. All was still dark; a couple more hours before the sun rose, but Sho could make out the shapes of the furniture in his bedroom. Sho twisted round, facing the other side of the bed, expecting to see Ohno right beside him, but Ohno wasn’t there. Sho rose up, and looking around, he found the bedroom door slightly opened. As he went up to the door, he began to hear Ohno mumbling, talking to someone.

“Like I said before, I’m out, alright?” Ohno said. “No, there’s nothing going on between me and that man; and why do you even fucking care anyway?”

Sho peeped through the gap and his gaze laid on Ohno’s nape, his messy hair, and the phone on his hand to his ear.

“Look, I’ll give you the file, okay? I’ll give you what you want, and then we’re through.” Ohno put down the phone. “Son of a bitch.”

Thinking that Ohno will come back in the bedroom, Sho retreated from the door and lay down on his bed again and closed his eyes, pretending to sleep.

Sho heard the door creak. Footsteps approached the bed, but Ohno did not lie down on the bed. Sho trembled inside, imagining Ohno’s eyes on him.

He then heard Ohno sigh, and the bed took in and carried Ohno’s weight. Sho kept his eyes shut, but his mind scrambled to figure out what it was about and what it all meant.

Morning came, and once again, Sho woke up finding out Ohno wasn’t by his side. Sho went out of his room, went down the stairs to the kitchen and out of it. He spotted Ohno by the waiting bench, dressed up in his fishing clothes and tying his shoelaces.

“You’re up early today.” Sho said, pointing it out, because it was so unlike Ohno to not tell him beforehand he’d go out for fishing.

“Yeah,” Ohno grunted. He then stood up. “I’ve got some things to attend to.”

Sho put his hands around his waist. “And what exactly are those things, if I may ask?”

“There’s this certain fish that’s in season during this time so...” Ohno’s words trailed off. “It’s important.” He then said.

“Right now?” Sho exclaimed. “Satoshi, it’s almost an hour before opening time.”

“It won’t take long.” Ohno said. “I’ll come back in time, I promise.”

Sho wanted to trust him, but after what he saw earlier this morning, he couldn’t shake off the uneasy feeling in his gut.

Ohno went up to him and gave him a kiss and patted his shoulder. “I promise.” He said.

“And if you don’t keep that promise?”

Ohno’s eyes wavered. “It means… I’ve caught up a big one.”

Sho took a good look at him, and sighed. “Alright,” Sho said. “You can go.”

Ohno gave a nod and went to the door.

“Just be careful, okay?”

Ohno looked back, and gave the same beautiful smile as he always does. And there went that aching pain again in Sho’s heart. “I will.” Ohno said, and went off.

It was already past lunch time. Ohno had yet to come back to the shop. Sho had filled up his spot for the meantime, going from table to table, writing out everyone’s orders, reciting them to the crew, and go back to waiting for whichever came first, Ohno or the raising hand of a customer. And it was always the latter that came first.

Sho went up to the table and asked for their orders. The customer said them aloud, and Sho swirled the pencil over the paper, the sharp lead making a mark and a scratch at the same time. He ripped out the paper from the pad and proceeded to back to the kitchen, but the door opened and the bell chimed, and Sho stopped his tracks, hoping it was Ohno.

“Sakurai Sho-san?”

Sho felt his heart drop out. He heard footsteps pouring into the shop; how many were they? Sho thought. Five, six… seventeen? No, twenty; and by including the news reporter who came in first and called out his name, that would make them all in all twenty-one. The customers stirred in a panic, they were as shocked as Sho was when he turned and found all cameras focused on him, with every flash of light burning his eyes.

They all chanted out his name, taunting him. Each reporter asked the same things: when, why, what happened, and was it true? Of course, Sho could tell them the truth; but what good would he get from doing that? The reporters in front of him didn’t come to him for the truth.

“Go away,” Sho said, backing away. “All of you, please, leave me alone!”

“Sakurai-san, will you please answer the question.” A female reporter said, holding out her microphone towards him.

“No!” Sho cried out and pushed the microphone away. “I’m not answering anyone’s questions!”

The crowd chanted his name again and pursued him. “Stay away! Get out!” Sho said, waving the notepad in his hand. “I said get out!” He threw the notepad, hitting one of the cameras.

A male reporter grabbed hold of his arm. Sho swung his arm, urging the man to let go but the man’s nails stuck onto the fabric of his shirt’s sleeve. Sho punched the man, and when he did, he heard a crack.

Sho stared at the man lying unconscious on the floor. The cameras focused on the reporter’s body; Sho heard some old women screaming and kids wailing.

Sho turned away, going in through the kitchen, where his crew approached him with worried faces, asking if he was alright, but he ignored their presence and went up to the stairs to his room.

Sho locked the door behind him. He breathed in and out a few times, before he collapsed to his feet, his back lying against the door. He put his hands over his face, wanting to tear it off, screaming out loud enough to the point he heard nothing.

He crawled his way to his drawer and opened it. He took out his phone, turned it on, and went through to his contacts. He held his phone tightly as it shook and rang, until the person on the other side answered the call.

“Miki,” Sho said, his voice cracking. He tried holding back the tears welled in his eyes. “I want to go back home…”

***

Sho looked through the window of his bedroom, eying on the familiar cityscape. It was nothing like the little town in Kyoto where the tallest ‘building’ was just three stories high. There wasn’t much greenery either; no grass fields, no crops. Not even piers. Sho pretty much missed seeing the sea, even if it reminded him of the pain he has to go through.

Ohno’s whereabouts were still unknown, and Sho hadn’t seen Ohno for a month already. And it was probably for the best…

The night when Sho had to close down the shop and was fetched by his bodyguards, right after he shut the door close, Tanaka, who sat next to him, greeted him. “Hey,” He said. Sho simply replied with a nod and the car started moving.

Sho looked back at the shop, his gaze never left even when it was already out of his sight, blocked by the rest of the houses.

“You still in touch with that friend of yours?” Tanaka said. “The sunburnt one?"

Sho stayed silent. He couldn’t bring himself to say no.

“It’s fine if you don’t talk, I’m sure you’re listening to me anyway.”

Sho heard a rustle, looking to his side, he found Tanaka searching in the inner pockets of his suit and pull out an envelope, offering it to him. Sho took the envelope and held it in his hands, pressing it and trying to feel what was inside.

“Your friend really likes taking pictures. Did you know that?”

“Yeah, I do.” Sho said.

“He’s one of the paparazzi.”

Sho whirled his head. “What?”

“I’ve seen him a few times during some events.” He said. “That’s why I recognized his face. He also works under the same magazine that published that scandal of yours…”

Sho dug his nails to rip off the tape and the paper of the envelope off. He poured the contents into his hand—it was the photos. The only difference was that they were uncensored.

“It may be hard for you to do, but I want you to take a _good_ look at it.”

Sho looked at them one by one, grimacing every time he had to look at himself, and the other man with him. The man had the same hair, the same lips, and the same skin.

“That’s…him in the photos too, right?” Tanaka asked.

Sho faced the pictures down on his lap, the horrible truth sinking into him. Ohno was the person he slept with at the hotel.

“I’m sorry, Sakurai-san.”

The ride back to Tokyo then became a very quiet one…

Sho was the last person to come to the dining table. He didn’t want to go downstairs to eat with his family, but his irritating hunger forced him to do so.

As he walked to his seat, Sho could feel the stares from the other family members. His younger brothers and his cousins looked down to their plates when they met Sho’s eyes. It was harsh, but Sho couldn’t blame them for it.

“Sho, hurry up,” his younger sister Miki said, patting the vacant seat next to her. “The food’s going to get cold!”

Sho then sat down. In front of him was his mother, whose eyes had met his. “You’re late again for dinner tonight.” She said.

“I’m sorry.”

“Please don’t starve yourself.”

Sho said his thanks before proceeding to take his share of food.

Sitting alongside him was his father, munching on some greens from his plate. They haven’t talked to each other yet since Sho returned. Sho didn’t know how he would be able to break the wall between them, but that wasn’t his primary concern right now.

At the other end of the table was his aunt, Yoko. Although she was his grandmother’s daughter, she didn’t inherit any kindness from her. Aunt Yoko had always kept a frown, and more so around Sho.

“You should’ve been hard on the boy when you thought him some manners. That way, it would’ve stuck in his head.” She said to Sho’s mother.

“Oh please, Yoko, Sho has been through a lot; give the boy a break.”

“Aya, your son’s already a grown man. Don’t you think it’s time that he needs to stand up for himself? Am I right, brother?”

Sho’s father looked at her. “Hm? What?”

Yoko sighed. “Shun, don’t tell me you weren’t following our conversation.”

“I didn’t know I was part of it.”

“Of course, you are!” Yoko said. “And you have to be; because you’re his father. A problem of one will affect everyone else. Besides, aren’t we a family?”

Sho chuckled out loud. “A family?” He said. “That sounds really funny coming from you.”

Miki nudged his shoulder. _Sho…_ She whispered, scolding him.

“Yes,” Yoko said. “Says the homosexual who ran away all because he had _too much fun_ one night.”

“Yoko!” Sho’s mother shouted. “Stop it, please!”

“I’m just stating the facts, you know.” She reasoned out.

Sho stood up and slammed his hands against the table. “You wanted me to come back, so here I am.” He said, gritting his teeth. “And yet you still treat me like this. It’s people like you who are disgusting, not me!”

“Sho, please, sit down!” His mother said. “That’s it! Both of you, I do not want any fights in this household, understand?”

Suddenly, Sho’s father stood up, wiping his mouth with a tissue. “I’ll go back to work,” He said, as if he were reciting a speech; static and cold.

They watched him walked out of the dining room. Sho motioned his hand to reach out to him but quickly withdrew it.

“Well, there goes my appetite.” Yoko said and took a drink from her glass of water. “Then again, from the very moment you returned, I already had lost it.”

Sho breathed countless times while watching Yoko walk away from the table. It was a curse for him to live under the same house with a wretched woman like her. He didn’t know what to do with her, no matter how much he hated her, for she had the face of his grandmother.

Sho rushed out of the room. He heard Miki calling out to him but he didn’t dare to turn back. He made it out of their house, just outside the gate. He shut his eyes and screamed out his frustration—his frustration on Yoko, on his ruined career, and on himself.

By the time he opened his eyes again, he found Ohno standing right ahead of him, on the other side of the road. He was in a more sophisticated look than when they were in Kyoto: rubber shoes, denim pants, a long coat, and a cap.

Sho turned away, striding off. It was the only thing he was good at doing after all. He didn’t know what his exact reaction should be. He heard footsteps chasing him, and so he ran.

“Sho-kun!” Ohno reached out and grabbed hold of Sho’s arm. Sho was pulled back by force, and almost fell to his feet. He took a few quick breaths before turning to Ohno.

“What are you doing here?” Sho said, glaring at him. “Let go of me!” He tried to shake off Ohno’s grip but it only grew tighter. Ohno pulled him into a nearby alley, going away from the light of the streets. It was only then that Ohno let go of him.

A soft light hit one side of Ohno’s face, and Sho could see a few bruises on his cheek and his chin. But Sho had no sympathy left for him. “I already know your secret.” Sho said. “So, you can’t make any excuses.”

“I’m sorry,” Ohno said. “I shouldn’t have left you.”

“You’ve already ruined my life once-- no, twice actually! And you want to ruin it again by coming here? God, what more do you want from me?”

Ohno’s gaze dropped down and he stayed silent.

“My career, my relationship with my family, my dream… Everything’s ruined because of you! What’s worse you actually made me care and even fall in love with you! Tell me, did I really know you? The _real_ you? Or was the Ohno who I met in Kyoto another lie too? Tell me!”

“You’re the only person I’ve ever been honest to, Sho-kun.” Ohno said, his voice came out a mere whisper. Sho couldn't bear to look away from him, not with those eyes looking at him. Eyes filled with pain, gone swollen and red probably from crying too much.

Sho leaned in against the wall behind him, crossing his arms. “When you left me at the shop, what happened?”

“Well, judging by how I look, you can probably tell…”

Sho shut his eyes and held the bridge of his nose.

“I was hired to follow you, right after the scandal between you and me.” Ohno said. “We met in the bar by chance; I was with a colleague of mine and you were drunk, so I helped you out. I didn’t recognize you immediately but my friend did. It was his idea to go to the hotel, and he told me to do nasty things to you, which I couldn’t bear doing. I didn’t want to cross the line, but he kept insisting to at least touch you, so I did.”

“This isn’t helping.” Sho said. He had grown uneasy hearing Ohno’s side of the story. “So, it was actually your _friend_ who took the pictures?”

“Yes, but he didn’t have his camera, so he used mine.”

Sho let out a sigh.

“Once he got the pictures published, I had to quit. It didn’t matter if they had my face censored; the feeling was still the same. But my boss had one last task for me to do before he could let me go, which was to follow you to Kyoto, since rumors were circulating that some people spotted you there. So I did, wanting to get done with it, but after knowing you, I changed my mind. I left that day because my boss sent that same colleague of mine there, as he had grown impatient with me. When I went to the meeting place, I realized he wasn’t alone; after that, I woke up and found myself back in Tokyo, in the hospital.”

“Then I saw you on the news;” Ohno added. “And right after I was released from the hospital, I had to come here. I needed to see you…”

"Why?"

"Because I want to be with you, silly. I love you." Sho found Ohno’s hands on his shoulders. “Hey, we can go back to those days...” His voice turned soft, pleading. “You and me, the ramen shop, and the boat; everything. We can have that back.” Ohno managed to smile, although it was wavering. "So, come and live with me."

“I…I can’t.” Sho said, shaking his head. “I’m sorry," He cried. "But I don’t think I can be with you, not right now. I’m sorry...”

Ohno’s hands drifted away from him, and so did his smile. “Alright,” Ohno said, putting his hands on his pockets. “That’s fine.”

Ohno looked down at his feet, and after a while, he turned away from Sho. “But, in case you change your mind,” he said, before leaving. “You’ll know where to find me.”

And Ohno was gone again, leaving Sho standing in the alley alone…

Sho stayed up late the next night. He couldn’t bring himself to sleep and so he went out of his room and went downstairs, thinking of watching TV for a while until he dozed off. However, as he made his way there, Sho found his father’s study with its lights on. Sho went to the door and looked through its little window. And as Sho had expected, his father was inside, at his desk, doing some papers.

Sho couldn’t help but frown while looking at the deep creases of the wrinkles on his father’s face.

Sho knocked on the door and opened it. Peeking through the gap, he saw his father looking back at him.

Sho went in and closed the door behind him. “Sorry to intrude…” Sho mumbled, bowing his head.

His father had put down his pen, and clasped his hands together. “What brings you here at this late hour?” His father asked. He didn’t seem to be bothered by Sho’s presence.

“I… couldn’t sleep, that’s all.” Sho said.

His father then nodded. “Ah, I see.” The old man’s gaze fell onto the papers on his desk.

“Dad,” Sho said, and his father looked up at him. “I’m sorry I let you down.”

The old man frowned.

“I know that you had expected a lot from me, since I’m the eldest. But I didn’t live up to what you and mom wanted. Even now, my heart still belongs to cooking. I was the black sheep of this family, no matter what good I did, I always was. I don’t think I even deserve the name ‘Sakurai’. And after that scandal, I don’t think I deserve to be your son.”

Sho knelt and bowed his head, his eyes staring at the floor. “I do not expect you to forgive me, but I want you to accept me as I am at least…”

Sho closed his eyes, listening to the silence while waiting for a reply. Instead, he heard footsteps approaching. As Sho lifted up his head, he found his father in front of him, on his knees, and was embraced by him.

“I have, since the moment you were born.” he said. “I love you; no matter what happens, you’ll always be my son.”

With tears welled up in his eyes, Sho embraced his father back. He was crying and laughing at the same time. All the burden he carried for the past months had finally disappeared. “I love you too.” Sho said. “I’ve missed you all so much.”

His father faced him with a smile, putting his hands on his shoulders. “If running a restaurant is what you want to do, I’ll give you my blessing.”

“You would?”

“As long as you tell me where it is.”

Sho laughed. “Alright, I will.”

“You’ve grown up to be a fine man, just like your mother and I always pictured.”

Sho had never felt happier hearing that, but he couldn’t let that one thought pass by him. “You and Mom won’t mind if I’ll be away then?”

His father’s eyes shone bright, his watered eyes reflecting the lights above them. “Not at all.” He said.

Sho embraced him again. “Thank you,” He said. “Thank you…”

***

“Thanks for the ride, Tanaka.” Sho said.

“No problem.” Tanaka said, chuckling. “See you around, Sakurai-san.” He then closed the car’s door shut. The vehicle went into the distance, and Sho started to walk on his way on the familiar road.

Despite his excitement, Sho went on a steady pace, worried that he might be too late. It was his love that was the only motivation for him to keep going. From the very start, it has always been; from the moment his grandmother told him those words…

_“From the heart?”_

_“Yes,”_ she said. _“It’s because the heart has the will. If you have a strong will, then surely you’ll achieve a lot of things. And of course, anything you put love into will last.”_

Sho finally reached the pier. The same boats were still there, and so were the fishermen. Sho could see their face brighten up as they saw him approaching. It looked as if Sho didn’t need to ask, and that they knew why he came, because one of them had called out to Ohno, who was sitting idly in his boat.

Ohno sprung up and out of the boat. His mouth fell open once he saw the younger man. “You came back.” He said.

“Yeah, it took me a while.” Sho said. “But I’m home now.”

Ohno smiled the same warm and radiant smile he always wore in front of him. And Sho smiled back, along with his heart beating stronger than ever.


End file.
